


scars left behind

by staryshards



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Arguing, Confessions, Fighting, From an RP, M/M, Post DDD, Pre KH3, RikuRoku - Freeform, decided to clean it up and post it for day 2 of rikurokuweek, if it’s formatted weird or has mistakes or doesnt make sense, its because it’s been taken out of context and this is our first fic weve ever posted, i’m using these tags to explain myself i guess, pre-KH3, prekh3, rikurokuweek, this is a portion of an rp me and my partner did back in 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 08:29:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20404723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/staryshards/pseuds/staryshards
Summary: Riku tells Roxas the truth, and the aftermath that follows.





	scars left behind

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is from an old RP me and @softsave on twitter, did back in 2016. The whole RP is years long and obviously somethings in this fic is taken without context, but we really wanted to post something for RikuRoku Week!  
This is for Day 2: Confessions.  
Now, I won’t explain the whole AU here but here’s some context that you might need to know.  
This takes place Pre-KH3/Post-DDD.  
It’s an AU were Master Riku is training and preparing with the others for the big war coming up at Yensid’s tower.  
However, inexplicably one night Roxas comes out of Sora’s heart with Riku being the one to find him.  
The Starshard Yensid has then in turn starts sending them to other worlds to help out with whatever quests they need them for.  
This only happens on random nights and they have decided to keep it from everyone.  
As they spend more time together however, feelings begin to bloom.  
One of the most recent worlds, they lost their memories and had a whole new life where they both fell in love, but when they returned home they’re forced to deal with it and the new memories they now share.  
Sorry, if this is muddled or confusing!!  
Please let me know if there’s any formatting or spelling errors!

Riku was actually asleep tonight, although he did stay up for two weeks after the last night he met with Roxas, Sora’s and Yensid’s scolding finally had gotten to him; He had lost hope. He was more dull and gloomy, he also typically just went off alone; these moments reminded everyone of the times before Destiny Islands fell into darkness.

Sora was nearly hanging off the bed as he worked extra hard that day and his snoring was more obvious than usual, when suddenly, just like those times before, the light from his chest glows and Roxas appears in the room again. He’s surprised to see Riku actually asleep, but his expression appears blank. 

His light makes Riku stir a bit in his slumber but he simply shifts to the left and goes back to sleep. “ Mmm…”  
Roxas stands there watching Riku so silently, it's almost eerie. This alerts Riku however and he detects a presence. His eyes flash opens as he jolts up and looks, when the initial shock seeps out a new sense of surprise flows in. His eyes widen a bit, as he whispers under his breath, as if he’d fade away if he was too loud.

“R-Roxas?” He leans forward to get a better look. There’s a long pause before he has the courage to speak again.

“I’m not dreaming, am I?” His grip tightens around his sheets in a futile attempt to protect him from Roxas’ stare.

Roxas still as ever, with empty cold eyes holds his gaze for a few more moments before finally turning to head out the door, in the direction of the balcony he saw Riku standing before.  
Riku watches him leave, and sighs letting out a stuttering breath. He missed him but… he wasn't looking forward to what was about to happen. He changes quickly so he's not in his pajamas and walks out, slowly creeping to the balcony and as he expected and hoped, it really was Roxas. He doesn't speak up yet, as Roxas notices Rikus presence but doesn't respond to it as he leans on the railing and looks out across the sky’s distance. He doesn’t make any inclination he’s going to speak either.  
Riku slowly walks and goes to the railing as well and looks out. He lets out a small sigh, “So am I going to do all the talking…?”

Roxas’ eyes shift, looking at Riku but stands still, showing that if Riku did choose to talk he’s willing to listen.   
Riku looks at the stars and gives a deep sigh; he had a lot of time to think about what to tell Roxas if he ever got the chance to see him again. He knew what he wanted to say, what he needed to say actually. However the feeling he had now standing next to him, finally being given the chance- He has to take a moment to pause and slowly put the words together, to get them right because Roxas deserves that much. He deserves the right words, the best words, the truth.   
“I told you the first night you came I wasn't the best conversationalist. It's been a month now since we last saw each other, I thought about it over and over, and what I would say to you when I saw you again… but now… I don't think any of it is really enough…” He’s second guessing himself, second guessing everything.

Roxas now turns his head slightly and his eyes say 'tell me anyway'. Before he can say anything, before he could decide his final opinion, He needed to know everything Riku had to say first. 

Riku paused, taking in one last deep breath and looking out into the night sky, hoping the stars to give him some sort of strength and courage he couldn’t find within himself. “Alright....” This was his final case, he had to put his all into this to make Roxas understand, he closes his eyes and let’s the night breeze hit his face before continuing. 

“When I found out about you, I didn't really believe it. Especially after I met you, Diz told me who you were, what you were, Sora’s nobody but… I couldn't believe it.”  
He shifts a bit leaning closer to the rail. “You're not him, not in the ways that matter anyway. I was then tasked to watch you, and I did. I saw what you went through from an outsider’s point of view, even back then I had the occasional thought that if things were different… “  
He sighs voice going lower as his shame rises.  
“We could have been friends but… I had to do what I had to.” He pauses.   
“As did you.”

“I didn't have much of a choice,” Riku tightly gripping the railing. “But that doesn't excuse anything. I said and did terrible things for what I thought was the greater good, and now it’s one of my biggest regrets.” He swallows the growing lump in his throat and takes another pause, this time more for himself.   
“After you returned to Sora, I felt like I missed out on something. When Lea returned he told us stories about you and what you two did together. That feeling came back that if things were different, maybe…” He trails off embarrassed. 

“I don’t know…”  
Shakes his head as he continues,  
“When you appeared that night for the first time, I was so shocked to see you, but there you were. Despite everything we’ve been through I enjoyed your company in a way I never did with anyone else, and slowly the more I was around you I felt…”   
He shaking a little and realizes this is probably the most he’s ever spoken about the subject, let alone to Roxas.   
Roxas letting the words sink in a bit turns to Riku clearly wanting to say something, he opens his mouth but Riku cuts him off, knowing he has to finish with his speech now, before he lets himself lose another chance.  
“I felt something I never had before with anyone else. I've protected people before, my entire life, but with you… it was different. I wanted to hold you, to keep you close, I wanted to see you everyday, not just at night in secret, I wanted to be there for you to make sure you were safe, I wanted to travel the worlds with you, fight, and work together the way only we can… I wanted…”  
His voice grows louder forgetting they have to be discreet.   
“No, I want you, Roxas…”  
He turns to look at him, his tone growing softer,  
“You as you are…” With that he falls silent, shaking so subtly he doesn’t notice.

Roxas stays quiet, especially after hearing that… What… what?… He takes a deep breath. Just... listen... to whatever's inside of you…   
His hands on the railing his clenched tighter with every sentence and he feels a lump in his throat. None of that was easy to take honestly but… what was he to say? He wasn't quite sure anymore.. and it scared him. He looked down then back at Riku. It’s obvious he’s at a loss of words. Almost inaudible, he tries to speak, “....”

He looks straight ahead; He can’t look at Riku, let alone in the eye when saying what’s really on his mind. “Riku… even after all this time, thinking all this over… I'm.... still not sure how I feel about you. You're a total enigma to me, and… maybe that's why what's happened between us before has happened… you’re unpredictable. From what you say to what you do and how you feel and act and speak... I don't understand any of it. I don't think I ever really will either. And…” He clasps onto the railing so tightly now his hands begin to numb. “It scares me.” 

Riku’s eyes snap open but his entire body is frozen, what Roxas just said sent a shock of pain and disbelief as shakingly takes a breath and barely gets out, confirmation of what he just heard. 

“You’re…afraid of me?” Those words breaking his heart more than the rejection he had prepared himself for.

Roxas, still refusing to look at him, “From everything that’s happened to me,”  
He pauses.  
“It’s just so,” He sighs.  
“...So hard to trust anyone. It’s not... anything personal…”   
His voice lowers with each word and his hands slightly wavering now holding onto the railing.  
After a stretched out silence, Riku finally breaks it.  
“I...understand that, it makes sense, but…“ This takes a minute for him but he manages to muster him the courage inside him to declare what his heart has to say. “What I just confessed to you, that was personal Roxas… I separated you from everyone else… Can’t you even try to do the same and rather than lumping me with everyone else?”  
Roxas’ eyes lowered, disappointed but aimless as to who exactly. “Don’t think I haven’t tried… I just-”

Riku interrupts Roxas, “After everything Roxas.. can’t you see me more than just some guy who…” He covers his face, ashamed and embarrassed, feeling this conversation was leading nowhere. “Of course not… Nothing I do or say can forgive what I’ve done… Why do I even try…” He tears up and becomes aware of it wipes it away hastily. 

“Can’t you remember all of the other nights, Roxas?” Riku pleads a bit desperately.   
“Do you honestly see me as everyone else? Please! Tell me!”  
His voice cracks as he holds onto his last hope,   
“Give me an answer, a real one, just for me, if you are going to reject me, say so.” He puts his hand on his chest, trying to settle his emotions, he’s not used to exposing his heart so blatantly. 

Roxas turns to face Riku finally and lets go of railing completely, “I tried! I tried and I tried- Isn’t that enough for you? What more do you want from me?! I’ve already given you everything I got; it’s just never enough for you isn't it?!” 

Riku steps closer, inching to Roxas. “Nothing I do is ever enough either! I apologize again and again! I do everything in my power to keep you happy and safe when I can. You're always my first priority when we’re together, but even with all that....”  
He scoffs, bitterly, “You don’t see me anything more than what I’ve done and not who I am!”   
During all this arguing the Star Shard in Riku’s pocket begins to glow, they were both so focused on each other they didn’t realize at first that it had sent them to the place where this all began, The World That Never Was.

The world looks the same as it ever did, though eerily abandoned- somehow even more so than it did before. The sky was darker than it’s usual black sky, and the heart-moon which was now gone, left the land feeling blank and dim. It looked like it was going to rain any second now.  
Roxas' coat is back on as soon as he appears in the familiar world but doesn’t give it any visible notice, and other than pausing to notice where they are he doesn't really care either.   
“You are what you've done! Nothing can change that!”   
A sudden heavy downpour had begun after that.   
Meanwhile Riku’s blindfold is back on as well, though he rips it off as soon as possible.   
“No! I’m!” He raises his hand, “Not!” The blindfold now thrown to the wet floor, Riku summons Soul Eater. He points to Roxas with it. “And neither are you! You're who you choose to be after you learn from your mistakes! You broke my wrist and felt the need to with infinite magic at your disposal to heal it! Isn’t that more important than when you broke it?”

Roxas, slightly hunched over from pure anger, glances up at Riku frustrated and angry.   
“I wish I never did it; I wish I just used it on myself instead!”   
Any more verbal shoving and he knows he’ll make Riku shut up- this time will be different. Riku wont cheat, and he won’t beat him. He’ll know how it felt!   
Roxas then summons both his Keyblades, side by side, one of darkness, one of light, more than ready for a fight. 

Riku genuinely hurt by those words stalks slowly up to Roxas his dark aura slowly growing as a response to this. Roxas’ eyes widen when he sees this and charges at him before he lets Riku make the first move.   
Riku raises his keyblade before Roxas hits him however and pushes him off. “Well, too bad for you that you did heal me then. You could have given yourself more of an advantage, not that it would have made a diffrence” He then shoots a ball of dark aura at Roxas, which doesn’t go well as he jumps back from it and blocks the attack.   
“Well I’ll make it happen again then!” He goes back running towards Riku and uses a horizontal slash.   
Riku dodges and uses this opportunity to slash Roxas with his keyblade vertically. Roxas blocks back though and this time he used Reflect magic.   
After the spell dissipates Riku grabs Roxas by the cloak and pushes him down to the damp ground, cheek forced onto the pavement. Riku stabs his keyblade to the ground next to Roxas head and bitterly laughs as he cries simultaneously.   
“Are you happy now? We're back to where we started…” He gets close to Roxas’ face as he sneers and a drop, which isn’t made evident by the rain whether it’s from Riku’s eyes or the dark clouds looming in the sky. Whichever it is, falls on the side of Roxas’ face. 

Roxas feels the drop that seemingly comes from Riku’s face and gets back up only to spit back at him. “You fucking moron… You just disproved yourself- changing, learning from your mistakes… look at you now… Except-” Roxas uses one of his light based attacks on Riku.  
“I’m not going to let you win.” 

Riku falls down this time and looks up at Roxas. “This isn’t like last time!” He can no longer hold back the absolute rush of anger sadness and fear this is all making him feel at the same time, and tears, now obvious, start flowing. “I have much more to lose this time! Although, there is one thing that's the same…” He then swiftly wipes his keyblade at Roxas’ legs,   
“This match is mine.” Once Roxas is away for a moment he stands up. Roxas trips but manages to keep his balance and stay on his feet. “As if!”  
He then steps aside and uses a move that engulfs the surrounding area in a cloudy twilight, following by making light globes that follow his opponent much like missiles. 

Riku moves and dodges the whole time and he yells at him, now desperate.   
“Why! Why did you show me all of that care, affection, and love only to rip it away from me!”  
He wipes his face trying desperately to get rid of any signs of his growing emotions. 

As soon as the move ends Roxas immediately goes back to constantly attacking Riku but with normal attacks now, all while responding back. He’s getting a little emotional too now, despite his efforts. “Because, I did! I did feel all those things, it was true dammit! Just because it was caused from false memories doesn’t mean it wasn’t real at the time!”

Riku keeps on blocking- and the more Roxas speaks, the more every word pierces his heart. “Shut up...shut up, shut up!” He cries out now, “Please, I can’t…” Now his face wide open to how he feels, he leaves himself open to attack and lowers his keyblade as he falls to his knees and breaks down. He whispers in a soft curbed voice, “I can’t…” 

Roxas feels so bitter but fragile as his eyes get teary likewise.   
A long moment passes where he keeps his keyblade pointed at Riku.   
Riku looks up tears flowing, “I can’t handle you saying you loved me… when everytime I’m with you, when I see you, when I think about you. My love…grows.”   
He now lets out a strangled sob, seemingly unable to control himself anymore, he feels defeated, pathetic, he might as well just stop trying.Roxas with one hand clenched where his heart would be… Why… why does it hurt this much even without a heart?! He screams in frustration, keyblade aimed and actually touching rikus chest with it. “Why do you always confuse the hell out of me… Why?!”

Riku is breathing hard trying to catch his breath and think, when slowly a sad bitter smirk creeps up on his face.  
“I told you, Roxas…”  
He gives out a cough,   
“I never make things easy for you.”  
He doesn’t move, not even a flinch the entire time the blade is pointed right at his chest, almost daring him to do it.   
Roxas stopped aiming his keyblade at Riku’s chest he hits him; though not nearly at full strength, it still enough to hurt. “I’m dead serious.. enough messing around! I want a real answer!” 

Riku winces finally and gives another cough from the pain. He then sighs, annoyed that he is being asked all these questions when all he wants to do is crawl into a hole and lick his own wounds, physical and emotional.   
“I don’t know, Roxas. That’s a question you have to ask yourself.”   
He then laughs sadly and spitefully, “Who knows, maybe it’s because you do feel something for me…” He manages to spit out.  
Roxas, hating that answer, pushes Riku down with his foot but doesn't keep his foot crushing his chest. “Yeah I know I do.” But what the hell is it?!   
Riku coughs, his heart and emotions already having gone through the works, and is overall in a bit of a pissy mood.   
He finally says, albeit a bit strained,  
“Do I really have to explain everything to you?” There wasn’t any real bite to it but he felt the unfairness of the situation having to help Roxas through his own feelings after getting basically beaten up for his.

He goes quiet, mulling over his thoughts and possible answers, he knows he could be completely wrong, but part of him still wishes this might be true. “I think it means… you might have some sort of…”   
He trails off trying to get himself to say this in a steady tone. “Feelings for me, Roxas…”   
He gives a sad laugh as he looks away and says under his breath, “Maybe even the same as mine.”   
Roxas heard that and goes from a sour expression to one of loathing. He doesn’t say no but not yes either… and brings up a question not meant for himself rather than Riku to look inside himself. He speaks in a low tone, “Why would I love you…”   
Riku has to take a moment to contemplate. “I don't know…”   
In all honesty he doesn’t have an answer. He isn’t crying, he isn’t blushing- he isn’t much anything right now other than tired and heartbroken. It’s obvious to see in his soft and weary eyes. 

Roxas takes a long time to answer, but steps away from Riku back on him. He mumbles mostly to himself, “I don’t think I’ve ever… loved… someone before… like this…”   
He gives a quiet, bitter laugh as his own eyes lets out a few tears. “It’s scary… ”   
He wipes them away on his coat’s sleeves. “I don’t want to disappear, I don’t want… to be betrayed again…”   
Riku, finally able to stand, slowly walks closer to Roxas but doesn’t dare touch him.   
“I know it’s terrifying but…”   
He gulps, “I would never do that Roxas, not again. You don’t do that to people you love.” He explains softly.  
Roxas is blunt with his words. “History’s sort of hard to forget… and the past is hard to let go of.”   
Riku quietly retorts,  
“I’m not saying to forget it or to let it go. What I’m saying is don't let it cloud your present and whatever future you want, to not let it… consume you.”

Roxas takes a long time to collect his thoughts, his feelings, his own conclusions. Riku is more then willing to give him all the time he needs as the rain falls all around them, the drops hitting the ground with each passing second as their only reminder of time passing.   
Roxas, finally coming to his conclusion, takes a deep shaky breath and replies, “Okay,”   
He turns around, back facing Riku. “I think I want to try, to stop letting it control whatever life I have.”  
Riku let’s out a breath he was holding. He nods, but soon realizes Roxas couldn’t see him nod. “Alright… good…”   
He speaks up as he timidly looks at him. He knows it was probably not the best idea to try to touch him, so he just stays still.

Roxas stands there as an awkward and tense silence grows. 

He meekly says to fill the space, “It’s… going to take a while you know…”   
“I- I know… It's alright…”   
Riku replies, nodding to affirm it to himself and soak in this truth.   
Roxas turns to Riku, his eyes were still watery, but they don’t look nearly as intense as before.  
Riku, with a tear stained face and wet eyes, isn’t showing much on his expression either, he just looks tired; he tugs his mouth a bit; but it’s not even that much of a smile.   
Roxas can’t force Riku to smile… he already knows that; and he doesn't quite want to get that close to him yet... To be honest just wants to go back where he belongs; he decides to digress however. 

“Why do you still have that Starshard on you…”   
“...Honest answer?” Riku grabs it out of his pocket and looks at it.   
“It reminded me of you.”   
Roxas eyes just… widen a bit at hearing this. “Oh…”   
Riku puts it away since it wasn’t glowing just yet. “ Y-yeah…” He was a bit flustered, but his exhaustion won over as he slumps a bit to the side barely able to hold himself up.

Roxas, still had adrenaline pumping through him from the fight, now cut short. His breathing was erratic as he tried to get it back to normal.  
Riku realizes his small injury when roxas struck him, and casts Cura. He then gazes at Roxas and asks, “How do you feel?”  
Roxas places his hand on his own chest again and speaks quietly now, “Lost…”  
Riku takes a step closer just to test the waters… “Oh.” 

Roxas doesn’t seem to notice Riku’s closeness, his eyes look as lost as he claimed to be.   
Riku nervously puts his hand on   
his shoulder. “Do you want to stick around… and maybe,” He pauses letting out the last of his courage, “Talk?” He shifts his feet from side to side, clearly nervous.   
Roxas gets stiff when he feels Riku’s hand, he stares at it as he answers. “I guess… sure.” 

They both slowly look at each other.

Finally, the rain that had slowly through their conversation let up, is gone. 

They both now glance up towards the sky, then at each other, and chuckled for a second at how ridiculous they both looked after fighting in leather-type jackets in the rain, crying at well. It couldn’t help but make them both smile a little at one another, even if only ever so slightly.


End file.
